Monday, September 29, 2008

Sorry for the neglect

I am just so completely tired. I can't think of anything to say except I am so tired. I finally got a midwife appointment, so now I get on that merry go round. Baby is definitely growing, I can feel it clearly. School is progressing on schedule. So far so good. The house is staying pretty clean and I did 10 loads of laundry today. I have a vigil hour at the abortion clinic tomorrow, so pray for me, it is so hard.

So, yeah, I am tired, and I am going to eat my chicken pot pie and then crawl under a quilt and watch "The Princess Bride" for the gazillionth time.

Nighty night.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Question

Does it count as fasting if you are just too overwhelmed to make dinner? I mean, is it really fasting if not eating is just plain old easier?

(joking. meat and cheese sandwich, anyone?)

40 Days for Life

Last night my mom and I went to the candle light vigil at the sight of the 40 Days for Life site in our town. There were approximately 250 people there, to pray and beg for intercession: Strength for the ability to faithfully carry out prayer and fasting, opening of the hearts of our fellow citizens to value and protect the gift of life, for the women who find out today that they are pregnant, and are in crisis. For our ability to help these women, to reach out to them, that they may truly know they are not alone, and their babies' lives are the gift amidst the difficulties.

I admit, the vigil brought me to tears as I stood there, pregnant and vulnerable. I prayed that my baby would also be born safely into life and into baptism, that I may value and appreciate the gift I have been given in my children, and that I may truly offer myself to assist others, when already I feel bent over with responsibilities. Like Fr. Pavone says in the above video, this is my problem. Those women are my sisters, and their babies are my brothers and sisters.

It is very difficult for me to go out to the clinic to pray. I feel more acutely the cost that abortion is metting out in our society when my tiny baby is inside me, standing witness to life. I can barely make my allotted hour of prayer there, and have the resist the urge to run away. I find watching the women walking into the clinic, head down, looking afraid and nervous, heart breaking and I fear that that they may perceive my presence there, praying for them and their babies, as judgement rather than concern.

But I go when I can. I pray, I hope, I want to be there for "the least of these". I will unite my prayers and fasting with all the other people across the country who are participating in this effort to change the hearts and minds of fellow citizens regarding the value of all human life.

Here is a link to the 40 Days for Life campaign locations in our country. If you want to participate, see if you have one in your area. There are over 170 cities taking part in this outreach effort. You can also help by praying daily for all those feeling scared, alone and desperate, that they may find comfort and assistance, and peace.

40 Days for Life. Transforming one heart at a time!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A tag

I got tagged by Deb because she loves my blog. Thanks Deb! I tag the first seven people to voluntarily pick this one up. I love all the people who visit here. If you don't have a blog, and want to do it, use the com box. If you do have blog, let me know in the comments if you ran with it, and I'll check it out. Blessings!

1. Where is your cell phone? in my purse
2. Where is your significant other? at his office in a different state (LONG commute)
3. Your hair color? brownish blondish reddish grey (all natural)
4. Your mother? busy
5. Your father? steady
6. Your favorite thing? beauty
7. Your dream last night? too tired to remember
8. Your dream/goal? peace
9. The room you’re in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? iconography
11. Your fear? rejection
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here, essentially doing the same thing.
13. Where were you last night? at a park with the kiddos
14. What you’re not? organized
15. One of your wish-list items? a laptop
16. Where you grew up? midwest
17. The last thing you did? taught math and phonics to 4 little ones (3rd, 2nd, 1st and K)
18. What are you wearing? black yoga pants, black t-shirt
19. Your TV? teensy and old
20. Your pet? dog, cat, 2 fish
21. Your computer? a temptation
22. Your mood? pretty relaxed at the moment. Listening to smooth jazz.
23. Missing someone? not currently
24. Your car? messy
25. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
26. Favorite store? Woodman's, Aldi or Trader Joe's. Oh, or the thrift store
27. Your summer? what summer? I did school without pause, had first trimester blahs and 3 cases of chicken pox in succession. But the weather was nice
28. Love someone? lots of people
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? this morning
31. Last time you cried? Saturday

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

utterly meaningless sliver

I am sitting here, trying to find the cable to hook up my camera to the computer. I just spent 25 minutes trying to find the photo papers from my little printer so I could print and send some photos to my son. Didn't find them. As I look around, my desks (I have 3 of them) are all basically useless because they are full of stuff. Piles of stuff. One of my desks has drawers that I don't use becuase they are full of stuff I don't use. Every time I try to do something about this, I come across all this stuff and paper and computer disks and batteries and blank cards and old stamps and wires to appliances and instruction manuals and old carbons of checks and CDs I never listen to and holy cards and four blank post-it notes stuck together and begun but abandoned art projects and photos of nieces and nephews from Christmas cards 4 years ago and other such stuff I just can not decide to throw away. Pens that don't work. Pencils without lead. Scraps of paper with phone numbers on them. Binder clips, paper clips, and random rubber bands. Old keys, and mostly empty matchbooks. A huge wave of overwhelm crashes into me, and I shut the drawers, walk away from the desk, and go find some equally overwhelming place in the house to obsess over. Kitchen? Needs repainting and reorganizing, and frankly, how many cute vintage baking dishes and tea pots does one need? I can't decide, so I move on. Living room? Books everywhere, books I haven't and most likely won't ever read, despite my best intentions and desire. Let's face it, I won't have time to do that kind of heavy reading until I am in my sixties, and I hope to be more discerning by then.
Bedroom? Full of clothes and mismatched socks and outgrown toddler clothes and tons of shoes that no one is currently wearing and more books I'll probably never read. Garden? Full of ornaments and empty pots, all bought with a vision of beauty and care, still sitting since spring. All that happened this year is the perennials came up, did their thing and faded, leaving the weeds gone to seed all over the place. Next year will be better. No wait, I'll have a newborn. Two years from now? eeps. Who knows.

So here I am swirling in my pit of despair, when I realize I am hearing a pounding noise over and over, and can't really place it. I peek out the window, and there is my six year old son, being observed by my four year old daughter, smashing a matchbox car with a hammer. He is obviously trying to hide, but because he is only six, doesn't realize he is right outside my window. I say, "What are you doing, exactly?" He gets a shocked look on his face, "This is a car I hate because it's wheels always stick, so I am smashing it." "Okay, just put the hammer away when you are finished." "I will. Boy, am I glad I'm not in trouble for this one!" he says. "I thought for sure I would be."

For some reason this made me laugh so hard, I forgot about my overwhelm, my misplaced camera parts, my to do list that never stops. I can't explain it, but I'll take it. But I do think, before I do my errands for the day, I'll shred the contents of one of my drawers, toss all the old computer disks (throwing all caution to the wind, as they came with things we no longer own and never used), and enjoy the lovely weather.

This post is utterly meaningless, but models a small sliver of one of my typical days. So there you have it.

Friday, September 19, 2008

It is catching up to me.

Oh boy, am I exhausted today. I am imposing a day of rest upon myself and begging the kids to independently manage the house cleaning today. I am going to take a bath, and go to bed. It's 1:30pm. I don't care. I can't do anything today. Night night.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

I haven't had much time to write lately. School and kid's activities have kept me hopping. The biggest stress of the day at this point is getting dressed. I love feeling better at this stage of pregnancy, but hate trying to figure out what to wear. Anyway, in lieu of anything witty, deep or poignant, I am going to post a few photos of my little 3, enjoying their Halloween costumes for daily dress up play. Goodwill had all their costumes out already, and in a burst of brilliance, I found a costume for everyone already, and this will make October so much easier! Plus, in the meantime, the littlest ones are really having fun with the costumes, and I am getting such satisfaction watching them.

May you all have a blessed day!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Waiting for her blankie...

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


There are so many occurrences around here I am neglecting to mention. For instance, on the traumatic week that my boy left for school, I was in a bit of an emotional haze. I couldn't really lock onto what what happening to my life. My eldest leaving, and a new baby on the way. It all seemed unreal to me.

The evening before he left, we had vespers at church for the feast of the Beheading of John the Baptist. I have mentioned before how much I love vespers, especially the anointing afterward. Our entire family went to church one last time together, until November, and sang and prayed, and worshiped God as a unit. Then we were all anointed, begging for healing of our souls and bodies, together. How soothing this was for me. Like a true mother, Holy Mother Church was laying her hands on me, consoling me and assuring me that all would be well.

Then this past Sunday evening, we again had vespers for the Feast of the Nativity of the Theotokos. I had spent a few nights tossing and turning, worried about my eldest, who had broken his arm, but hadn't gotten casted yet. I was fearful he was hurting, and maybe wouldn't tell anyone there he needed help. I was worried about my youngest, the baby growing inside me now, hoping all was going well. The new baby is so hidden from my view and my ability to really DO anything, just wait. Even though he or she is with me, quite closely, I feel as separated from the wee one as I do from my eldest. The two of these children of mine, close to my heart but out of my reach in different ways, were causing me distress.

Then came vespers. We prayed specifically for God to ease our distress. We begged God to hear our prayers, and the prayers of the entire church, to ease suffering. We praised the Glory of God's creation, and the depth of His mercy. Then the anointing, once again. And blessed relief.

The generosity of God through the Church can not be outdone!

Monday, September 08, 2008

So, how is he doing at his new school?

Week one, broken wrist. What do you think week 2 will bring? Actually, he said the arm is no big deal, he can still practice with the soccer team. He said school is easy so far, and getting up early is fine. Everything is fine. He requested a few things to be sent to him, which I am quite pleased to do.

So, all is well, until we get the orthopedic bill...

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

The Speech

I just finished watching Sarah Palin's speech tonight. I enjoyed it tremendously, and thought that she look confident, competent and strong. But my favorite part was when her little girl was holding the baby, licked her hand and smoothed down his hair.

First time ever I have seen a political speech and really thought I was watching someone I could relate to. First time ever.

What did you all think?


Not much time today. School started yesterday. Wow. This is going to be a busy year. I heard from my son a few times since he's been at his new school. It's "okay". He sounded tired, and I bet he is as the schedule and exercise there are much more vigorous than we had here. We've got a package to mail to him today, and so far, all is well.

Oh, and my favorite pants became too uncomfortable, just yesterday. NOW what am I supposed to wear? I am starting to feel a little better, less gagging and sleeping required. I think I am in week 14, so that is about right.

Sarah Palin: Love her, the rabid nature of the press attacks remind me of when Pope Benedict was elected. Wow. She must be good to garnish that kind of intensity. I have been, and will continue to watch this with great interest. But now, I am finally excited to vote!

Off to do day 2 of school. One day at a time, that is how it is done!