Thursday, November 18, 2010

So You Know What is Hard?

Of course you do. We all do. Life. Life is hard.

But particularly, for me, currently, the hard things are not what they used to be.

It used to be hard to put up with all the imperfections in my family. If only they would care about this house. If only they weren't out to get me. If only they would leave me alone for one flipping minute. If only he (you know, HIM) would truly love me, care about me, make ME a priority. Things would be better then. You know. In a perfect world.

It used to be hard to put up with my own imperfections. If I was more organized, thinner, brunette, with stunning violet eyes, confident, and could whistle loudly with my fingers, and play an instrument proficiently, and wear quirky and stunning outfits, and jog everyday, and have such a regularity to my prayer life it would be like breathing. THEN things would be right around here.

It used to be really hard to realize the criticism of my family was wrong, it should all go on me. It is my fault, not theirs. I should be more loving, more understanding, more resilient. It is my fault the house has an angry discouraged mood to it. My fault. It is all my fault.

Now, though, what is really hard? To know that it isn't the kids, the husband, me. It is a broken world, a fallen nature, imperfect stupid fallen nature. To say, if only.... about him, them, me. Easy.

To say, "This world is broken, imperfect. I am broken, imperfect. All the people I love are broken and imperfect. Deal with it. Love anyway. Try anyway. Be content anyway. Ask the Divine Healer in for a visit, hopefully to stay as long as it takes. Open up, love, keep working, find joy, receive love, agonize through pain and sorrow, love again and give."

Hard. Really, really hard.

Blame is so much easier, really, than living.


Blogger owenswain said...

November 18, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a great, insightful post! Thanks!


November 18, 2010  
Blogger Kate said...

I really needed this. Thank you!

November 18, 2010  
Blogger Hope said...

I've probably written this to you before but this post reminded me again of a conclusion a home schooling friend and I came to a few months ago: homeschooling would not cure the human condition.
Darn. We had been led to believe it would. It wasn't until waaaay after I was finished homeschooling that I realized this.
So you're ahead of the game.

November 18, 2010  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love until it hurts--Mother Teresa's simple words of wisdom--but so hard to put into practice, eh? Yes, blaming others is so much easier....Hugs to you, Renee...Oh, and prayers, too, dear one....

November 19, 2010  

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