Round and Round, I go
According to my calculations, I am less than a week away from my third trimester. Being this close to the reality of our little boy's emergence into our arms, I am a tumultuous mixture of emotions and sensations.
On one hand, I feel amazingly strong and vibrant, what with carrying a LIFE inside me and all. My health has been terrific so far, all is going well, and baby is obviously growing rapidly.
On the other hand, I feel fragile as a bone china tea cup. If I stay up and busy all day long, by back feels like it is going to break apart. My energy level is not bad when I have one, but it dissipates quickly. I must nap every day. I have to go to bed early. I can't dig up my plants and split them and replant them. My back immediately aches and spasms. In previous pregnancies I was doing that sort of work up until the day before the baby was born. But I was nearly a decade younger then.
I feel young, I mean a new baby can do that to you! Young women have babies!
I feel old. I have gray hair, crow's feet, and a son going to college.
I feel so connected to the Eternal Mysteries. New Life, being overshadowed by the Life Giving Holy Spirit can do that.
I can't say an entire prayer to save my life. Just snippets. I am constantly burning my blessed candles and incense and am working feverishly on my icon writing. But my prayers are consistent of two words, almost exclusively. "Please" and "Thank You".
I can't choose a name for this baby yet. I want to name him after everyone. Melanie got four names, this guy will be lucky to only get four. I can't choose God Parents. I want everyone to look out for him and to pray for him.
I want to buzz through my house and get it all set to rights. And I want to sit in the sun and listen to music and look at pretty pictures. I want to go for long walks, and I want to go to bed.
I feel laughter at the edge of most my thoughts, followed directly by tears. I can not believe the number of things that have made me cry lately. They are all happy things, and I can not take joy with out tears. I am not, by nature, a crier. So this is unsettling, and relieving, at the same time.
I feel very at ease about adding another child to the mix here. I am not frightened of giving birth, either. I am quite fearful of everything else, and have to pull a Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about that tomorrow". Being 9 months pregnant in the middle of August scares the heck out of me. Starting school, directly after giving birth, with one off to college, two in high school, and the rest at home here, wow. Terrifying.
So, there you have it. What to do with it, though?