Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Round and Round, I go

According to my calculations, I am less than a week away from my third trimester. Being this close to the reality of our little boy's emergence into our arms, I am a tumultuous mixture of emotions and sensations.

On one hand, I feel amazingly strong and vibrant, what with carrying a LIFE inside me and all. My health has been terrific so far, all is going well, and baby is obviously growing rapidly.

On the other hand, I feel fragile as a bone china tea cup. If I stay up and busy all day long, by back feels like it is going to break apart. My energy level is not bad when I have one, but it dissipates quickly. I must nap every day. I have to go to bed early. I can't dig up my plants and split them and replant them. My back immediately aches and spasms. In previous pregnancies I was doing that sort of work up until the day before the baby was born. But I was nearly a decade younger then.

I feel young, I mean a new baby can do that to you! Young women have babies!

I feel old. I have gray hair, crow's feet, and a son going to college.

I feel so connected to the Eternal Mysteries. New Life, being overshadowed by the Life Giving Holy Spirit can do that.

I can't say an entire prayer to save my life. Just snippets. I am constantly burning my blessed candles and incense and am working feverishly on my icon writing. But my prayers are consistent of two words, almost exclusively. "Please" and "Thank You".

I can't choose a name for this baby yet. I want to name him after everyone. Melanie got four names, this guy will be lucky to only get four. I can't choose God Parents. I want everyone to look out for him and to pray for him.

I want to buzz through my house and get it all set to rights. And I want to sit in the sun and listen to music and look at pretty pictures. I want to go for long walks, and I want to go to bed.

I feel laughter at the edge of most my thoughts, followed directly by tears. I can not believe the number of things that have made me cry lately. They are all happy things, and I can not take joy with out tears. I am not, by nature, a crier. So this is unsettling, and relieving, at the same time.

I feel very at ease about adding another child to the mix here. I am not frightened of giving birth, either. I am quite fearful of everything else, and have to pull a Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about that tomorrow". Being 9 months pregnant in the middle of August scares the heck out of me. Starting school, directly after giving birth, with one off to college, two in high school, and the rest at home here, wow. Terrifying.

So, there you have it. What to do with it, though?


Blogger priest's wife said...

about Godparents- of course, you have to chose specific people- but inform everyone else that they are honorary godparents! The more the merrier!

May 03, 2011  
Blogger Elizabeth @ The Garden Window said...

Every blessing as you enter the final trimester of pregnancy.

Rest lots, eat well and delegate all non-essential tasks; you're busy giving 100% committment to growing a child of God :-)

May 03, 2011  
Anonymous jen said...

take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.

matthew 6:34 seems to apply so well. things will fall into place.

i'm not polyanna in the least -- i have a two year old with developmental delays and it's how i have to live my life. everything looks so intense and scary if i try to handle tomorrow's issues today instead of just focusing on what i can actually do today.

i barely made it past 7 months before my son was born so i can't tell you about third trimester pregnancy but i do remember the fragile feeling. i'm guessing that you have enough "big kids" that can help. use them.

above all, remember that the will of God will not take you anywhere the grace of God cannot protect you.

May 03, 2011  
Blogger Michelle said...

Deep breaths. And never have more than 3 things on your to-do list for the day.

May 04, 2011  
Blogger Renee said...

Thanks, ladies. I know things will fall into place, and when I get closer, I'll see more clearly how. I am trying to treasure these moments, truly, but your advice, assistance and support make it much easier. Thanks again.

May 04, 2011  
Blogger Roalgeroc said...

Heck, I have absolutely NO advice - I have one kid at home and one kid married. But YOU are so FREAKIN' smart and write so beautifully, I have complete confidence in you and how you handle it.

May 04, 2011  
Blogger Alishia said...

We had our first son in October and couldn't decide what NOT to name him so he got five names before the last name:
John Antonin Aquinas Matteo Lepanto

We get lots of questions when people hear it. Kinda fun to share all the stories.

May 10, 2011  

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