The holiday havok has hit me once again. I am stuck in the rut of all ruts, where my head is swirling with "must do's", "wish I could's" and "Oh, Dear Lord, how am I going to get all this done?". This happens every year at this time. Buying gifts on a very limited budget, stress. Watching the kids get so excited in anticipation, fear (what if I don't meet their expectations?), keeping school going here while trying to plan Christmas decorating, baking, cards, parties, Advent activities, AND, try to work in a walk or two (hasn't happened lately), make dinner, shop, do the blankety-blank laundry, make time to read aloud as my children are growing up everyday, have literally 5 out of 7 children inform me Sunday before church they don't have any socks, and by the way, their shoes are too small. I feel like I am going to explode! A friendship I depended on dearly has faded, and left me floundering. Haven't mentioned my husband who is trying to get his footing again in a job change, who needs my encouragement and support, and where do I get that from? Where is this endless stream of energy supposed to come from where I can attend to everyone's needs well, as well maintain some sort of "solid place" so I don't get knocked on my kiester. I know it's bad when every. single. Christmas carol I listen to brings tears to my eyes. The stark contrast to what the songs are about, and what my life is, breaks my heart.
I hate to whine and complain, but maybe someone has some magical piece of advice regarding how to begin to get my footing.
My poor little neglected icon wall is waiting to get the candles lit and I'll light a little incense and rest there a while. Tonight is vespers for the feast of St. Nicholas, which includs an anointing, which I am so looking forward to. Then its back to the battle. I am feeling much less than soldier like, to be sure.
So, a bit of anti-holiday cheer today. Maybe it was better yesterday when I had nothin'!