That, and really coming to terms with the hole that was left in my life when some very important things changed. My relationships have undergone some significant transformations, and I am realizing that the metanoia post I wrote has something to do with this. It's really all about love. And when love is more a decision than a feeling, it can be frightening. When feelings obscure what good is being done, because it feels like a challenge, then it's time to pay less attention to the feelings, and more to the stuff of life.
Hope's comment, "How have I loved today?" was very, very helpful. Another friend pointed out to me that there is a normal grief when a friendship changes, and I had really been trying to dodge that bullet. I have to trust that this "fading" friendship is all working out for the best, because God loves me and wants something else from me. The lonely feelings, maybe I am to turn to Him more? Maybe I am to help someone else now? Maybe I am just pouring my love into a larger vessel, and now that is why I can feel so empty?
I am fortunate to have such a steady supply of love here in my home. Everywhere I turn, there is another child I love with all my heart. It really doesn't get any better than this. I heard this famous quote today, and it sounded new to my tired heart:
Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s
Simple Way of Holiness.
The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service
The fruit of service is peace.