Saturday, December 08, 2007


Well, my angst has faded somewhat, thanks to all that helped with their kind words. I realized that I needed to pay a little more attention to taking good care of my temple. I hadn't been getting enough sleep, exercise, or water. And I had been eating too much sugar and not enough protein.

That, and really coming to terms with the hole that was left in my life when some very important things changed. My relationships have undergone some significant transformations, and I am realizing that the metanoia post I wrote has something to do with this. It's really all about love. And when love is more a decision than a feeling, it can be frightening. When feelings obscure what good is being done, because it feels like a challenge, then it's time to pay less attention to the feelings, and more to the stuff of life.

Hope's comment, "How have I loved today?" was very, very helpful. Another friend pointed out to me that there is a normal grief when a friendship changes, and I had really been trying to dodge that bullet. I have to trust that this "fading" friendship is all working out for the best, because God loves me and wants something else from me. The lonely feelings, maybe I am to turn to Him more? Maybe I am to help someone else now? Maybe I am just pouring my love into a larger vessel, and now that is why I can feel so empty?

I am fortunate to have such a steady supply of love here in my home. Everywhere I turn, there is another child I love with all my heart. It really doesn't get any better than this. I heard this famous quote today, and it sounded new to my tired heart:

Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s
Simple Way of Holiness.

The fruit of silence is prayer.
The fruit of prayer is faith.
The fruit of faith is love.
The fruit of love is service
The fruit of service is peace.


Blogger Hope said...

I have to tell you that I didn't feel that great about the comment I left for you on that post. I didn't take the time to soften the edges and I regretted that. What I had really meant to say (other than the 'how have you loved today' comment) was to look at your day and figure out what you need to get done in order to end your day with peace and contentment. If it's the whole shebang, well, peace and contentment will be a long time in coming. But if it's less than perfection you have a good chance of being able to have some sense of peace and contentment at the end of the day.
I write all this as the mother of grown children so I feel like that disqualifies me somewhat as well. It's so easy to forget the pressure of what a day holds with children - and I only had 3.

Your honesty in your struggle though touches me. The loss of a friendship can feel worse than death in some ways because the person is still here yet the relationship isn't. Change is hard.

Peace be with you.

December 09, 2007  
Blogger Renee said...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you

Thank you

M. M.,
Thank you.

And thanks for all those praying and not commenting.

December 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

MP! I miss you much! I sneak on to read when I can when I visit Alexa's blog. Danny (my husband) gives me reasons to visit ya'll that way..he's always bringing me coins that he is collecting for her Rocky to send and this gets me going and missing you all! This was a perfect time to comment on your blog...I love that little poem prayer by Blessed Mother Teresa...its so perfect, isn't it...perfectly true!
May may you all have a beautiful Christmas and a big big hug!
Keep me in your prayers! I'll do the same..we can NEVER have enough of them for Christmas or any time at all!
(Sealed with a Prayer) Let's SWAP!:) Suz

December 10, 2007  

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