" 'Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight.'
I just came across this little gem, and it pierced my heart. That's me. He is describing me. To a T. I am angry. Angry at what? At who? Everything, everyone. I get angry at the dog when she has to eat, or go out (always at inconvenient times), at the kids when they make too much noise, spill, leave a mess, need to have instructions repeated. I get angry at dh for being manipulative, distant, self absorbed, too clingy, demanding, uninvolved. I get angry at the baby for crying, needing me, poking me while she nurses, screaming. At anyone who intrurrupts me when I finally get a chance to write, read, or rest. I get angry at the vacuum cleaner, for clogging yet again. At my computer for not working properly. Okay, you get the idea.
How do I respond in anger? Sometimes a sharp word, and ugly look, and maybe a cabinet shut extra hard. Most of it stays inside, and is eating me up into a hollow, decaying person. Not that the people in my home can't tell I am angry. I am sure the family knows I am angry. They just don't know why, and knowing kids, they blame themselves.
What is it? Why am I angry? I have a great life, and yet I am utterly frustrated. I frequently feel I have no control over these emotions. "The sinful man shall be subject to them."
Reading further into this insightful post, I realize that I used to just have quick flashes of anger, and then *poof*, they would be gone. Now I am clinging, hugging, petting, nuturing, waiting for the next inevitable excuse to let it rip. This he describes as ill-tempered and sullen. EEEEWWWWW. I do not want to be described that way, and yet, I know it is accurate. I never realized until today that I did this. I have been trying to tell when is anger justified, and when isn't it in order to give myself any excuse for sin. I guess I should work under the assumption that it just isn't, and go from there.
Well, guess it's off to confession today. I want to let the author of this at Disputations to know how he parted the clouds for me today, and I can now put a word to the emotion. The clarity is delightful, and I thank you for taking the time to write this today.