Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Interesting,timely and very helpful


I stumbled upon a book I was compelled to order, pay money for and hopefully receive in the next few days. The Feast of Friendship, by Fr. Paul O'Callahan. I read a few excerpts, and will share them. This is very relevant to my life right now. Friendships have been the life blood during the last few years of my life, when turbulence has reigned. But friendships have wavered, causing confusion and pain. Friendships have been redefined, and therefore, become different in kind and distinction, and the shaking up has been painful. As I read these excerpts, I realized this was a topic I needed to study. One can not love without counting the cost if one is not very educated in the fine points of friendship. Stay tuned, I should be getting this books in a few days. Sounds terrific. In the mean time, here are some excerpts:

The Achievement of Personhood

Love, freely given, manifests the essential relatedness of a person to
others. Thus, the individual who cannot love fails to develop true personhood…. the one who loves fully becomes his own identity through communion with others….The achievement of human personhood therefore is unthinkable apart from the drive for communion. It is undeniable that relatedness is a fact of human existence from the
moment of our conception. We are conceived in the fire of passionate relations between two people. We develop in the nurturing womb of our mother. We experience our relatedness first at her breast, and then with our father and siblings, relatives and neighbors. We find out soon enough that our existence has occurred in the nexus of particular communities, and then discover the place of those communities in the
larger realm of the human race in the world. We venture into friendships, integrate into all kinds of associations, find lovers, marry, and beget children. Even the most distinctly biological aspects of our generation and socialization do not and cannot occur apart from personal relationships. When one becomes fully conscious, one recognizes the dimension of communion that is possible, may actually underlie, and is often manifest in such relationships. The highest and most fulfilling are those in which a genuine experience of communion between persons takes place in utter freedom: friendships and marriage.

The Creativity of Friendship

Because we allow our friends access to the intimate spaces of our hearts, we
place them in a position to deeply affect us…. They discern and seize upon our deepest spiritual aspirations and encourage us to strive more mightily to realize them than we could ever do alone…. They recognize our genuine gifts and talents, and embolden the humble expression of them….Fundamentally, genuine friends grant us access to the most creative dimensions of our souls by receiving us and reflecting us back to ourselves.


Issues and Problems in Friendships: Needs, Possessiveness, and Expectations


If perfect intimacy is to be attained and preserved in a friendship… certain basic principles must be honored. The first is the absolute necessity of maintaining distance in the relationship. We may imagine that the common dimension shared by friends exists in the delicate space in between them…numerous forms of over-identification can collapse it, such as possessiveness, inappropriate expectations….The freedom and autonomy of real persons are precisely the prerequisites of genuine friendship….one trusts the character of his friend and thus setting rules for his behavior is out of the question…. The development of highly specific sets of expectations among friends… at bottom…
betrays a lack of trust. It reveals the desire to regulate and control the other…. True friends relish the distance between them as much as the communion that unites them. This is because they recognize that the distance between free, whole, autonomous persons is the essential precondition of their relatedness.


(Italic emphasis mine. Pierced my heart, it did)

(h/t to Pen and Palette, where I found reference to and excerpts from this book

5 Comments:

Anonymous Butterfly said...

I can relate very much to your pain when it comes to friendships. I don’t have too many people who I can call “very close” friends, and almost 2 years ago, I lost my “best” friend. Almost like you can lose a loved one to a drug addition, I lost my friend due to her suddenly up-rooting her life, leaving her husband, and seemingly a sudden 180 degree change in all of her attitudes and morals. (Example: she had been the “other woman” to a married man for nearly 2 years now.) I loved her too much to be an enabler to her new lifestyle, she became very angry at me, and our friendship has ended. I still experience hurt, anger & pain at times, and still can’t help but wonder what the future will hold.
I’ll pray for you and your struggles…maybe I should get this book too!

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Laura said...

Wow. I find it all at once unsettling and reassuring to know that other women are questioning and analyzing their perspectives on friendships. I am trying to be at peace with the idea that friends come and go- and that is quite alright. Maybe we ARE just supposed to come into one another's lives for a time- give some joy and support- then move on on. I am blessed and grateful to be able to say that I actually DO have long term friendships. What bothers me is that I used to have SO many more.
Thoughful post. I may need to purchase this book too. You should get a cut. :)

January 30, 2008  
Blogger Margaret Mary Myers said...

When a friendship ends or even changes, it can be one of the biggest crosses in life at the time, leaving a lot of pain.

Time heals and we often find we can look back later and see that we were enriched or that we enriched the other person, hopefully both.

As the saying says, friends come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I just did a search and here is one place where you can read the whole article on that idea. http://www.yuni.com/library/docs/631.html

I pray you will be blessed in friendship.

Margaret Mary

January 30, 2008  
Blogger patjrsmom said...

Hi Renee,
I left you an award over on my blog!
God Bless,
Jane

January 31, 2008  
Blogger Josephus Flavius said...

Tag!


Book meme

Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

February 01, 2008  

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