Friday, August 29, 2008

It is finished


Well, I did it. Said goodbye to my oldest child. Yes, I cried. It was the ugly kind of cry, I could tell, but I didn't care. It was a deep cry, from way down in the part of me that came to life the day he was born.

So here I am, telling myself this will be a great opportunity for him, he will be getting so many lessons and adventures there he just couldn't get here. He will be able to become his own man a bit, not always buffeted with the confusion and chaos of our house. But then, I know we won't be there. He won't have us and we won't have him, and my heart aches so badly. I desperately scroll past the last year and think, "Did I try every option, did I consider everything, did he really have to go away to get what he needs?" I have been through this a million times, wishing one overlooked option would settle the angst in my heart. But I know this choice is best for him, best for all of us, but how could it require a 12 hour drive between us? The discord is more that my brain can make sense of, and I just have to go ahead, be sad, and know that good things are often hard. One of the hardest things was to see all his siblings say good bye. The littles ones just don't understand why he is going away. That deep part in my heart doesn't really understand, either.

And I know this is simply the first of so many good byes with my children. So many.

In a strange way, I feel relieved that the day I have been dreading has come, he is off now, with his dad, heading to school, and while there were tears, we made it and will continue to make it one day at a time, until we see each other again.

9 Comments:

Blogger Mimi said...

Hugs, mom, hugs.

August 29, 2008  
Blogger Owen said...

Woo hoo, a really giant step for everyone. It is a big moment and in just another moment he'll be stepping out to post secondary and on it goes....I know :) Lotsa brotheryly love.

August 29, 2008  
Blogger patjrsmom said...

Well said. Many prayers, my friend.

God Bless,
Jane

August 29, 2008  
Blogger Suzanne said...

Oh, how I wish I could hug you! Very much so...I wish I could. You know, we mommas so understand. :)

August 29, 2008  
Blogger Kitchen Madonna said...

Yes, the mama's understand, like Suz said.

Angels around him! And you too!

August 29, 2008  
Blogger Michelle said...

{{{hugs}}}

August 29, 2008  
Anonymous ukok said...

Oh my dear friend. My heart goes out to you across the ocean between us.

Unless my daughter or son move abroad, i don't think there can be a 12 hour drive between us on this little island called Britain..but if they moved to John O Groats or ten miles away my heart would feel it just as keenly.

Letting go is always, always terribly hard to do....but it is only when we stop holding with our hands that they can be emptied to recieve. Good things will come of this move, as you know, and it is because you want the best for your child that you are prepared to endure this heartache.

Prayers and hugs

Deb X

August 31, 2008  
Anonymous heidi said...

I'm crying with you. Love you all tons and tons!!

August 31, 2008  
Blogger thislittlepiggy said...

*Hugs-a-bunch*

September 02, 2008  

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