Monday, February 14, 2005

Blue Valentine

I don't really like Valentines Day. I never have. I guess I have always fallen prey to the romantic version of the day. In school and at work before I was married, I always felt left out, because I was rarely in any sort of relationship that would be described as romantic. My mom and dad always did something for us, which I never appreciated nearly enough. In high school, there was this custom to buy a carnation with a message for someone, then on Valentine's day they would be delivered to the lucky recipients. I look back on that now, and remember the lonely feeling when you didn't get any, or maybe you did get one from a friend, sort of a consolation prize. Then there were the popular kids, with arm-loads of them. I really wonder why high school culture requires these things that point out the social classes so vividly. We already knew we weren't popular, why point it out so blatantly, in every class? Then after college, at my job, Valentine's day was a day for those in a relationship of some sort to show off said relationship, because they would get flowers or balloons delivered. I always knew one was not coming for me. Except, the year after I was married, dh sent me a boquet of roses. Very satisfying. But not nearly as much as I thought when I didn't get anything. Now, since I've been married, we have a family tradition that I love. Each child makes a card for each member of the family. We put them all in a basket, and at dinner we personally give each card to each person. This takes a while, and it is so worth it. The recipient of the card thanks the giver. They hug, or as the oldest ds is 11 now, sometimes they shake hands. The sad part to me is my dh forgets this every year, and I have to remind him to get the kids a little something. Gone is any romantic notion of a special day with him. The kids are so excited, and it would be so sad to them not to have daddy be part of it. This morning I reminded him about our tradition, and he again had no recollection of it. I don't understand how he can forget something that is so important to everyone else in the family. I guess I take that sort of thing too personally. Since I reminded him, he will be prepared, so I should be glad of that, instead of disappointed. It will be a nice evening of everyone personally expressing their affection for each other, or at least the gratefulness for the gift of family. Hope you all have much expression of love in your lives.

UPDATE::

Blush blush, hanging my head in shame, I just received a HUMONGOUS boquet of roses, delivered by a florist to my door. Total suprise. Dh sensed a little of my disappointment this a.m. wanted to dispell it. This made quite an impression on my children. They were most impressed by the free vase that came with the roses. They are thrilled we get to keep it. Happy St. Valentine's Feast Day to all!!!

5 Comments:

Blogger veronica said...

Yeah!!! Glad the romantic notion isn't lost afterall. Happy Valentines Day.

February 14, 2005  
Blogger Julie M. said...

We had the same ritual in high school, and like you I didn't care for it much. I think I got a carnation once. I was happy when I started college until I saw that they did the same thing there, too.

My husband isn't the romantic type either. He tries hard though. I often have to remind myself that it's the thought that counts. :)

February 14, 2005  
Blogger Julie D. said...

Yay for dh! It's surprising how much the kids enjoy those romantic touches too, isn't it? They like seeing the visible signs of love I think. My teenagers will clear everything out of the way so Tom and I can have a date.

Like Julie M., I've got a guy who just isn't romantic. He tries hard too ...

February 15, 2005  
Blogger ~m2~ said...

your dh RAWKS!!

i got a wedding band for my gift this year - our 16th anniversary is coming up in april and i've been wanting one (w/out diamonds, just white gold) forever. it is beautiful, but has to be resized. shame the only skinny thing on my bod is my ring finger.

okay, now i am not a huge fan of dr. phil, but he often says the words "do you want to be right or do you want _______?" fill in the blank. this one gal wanted to go out to dinner and her husband always told her to make the reservations, and that was never good enough for her b/c he really swept her off her feet when they were courting, but it simmered down considerably when they married (he owns a restaurant, gee, wonder why i empathized with him?) dr. phil kept asking saying "you are going out to dinner - what more do you want?" she was a bit petulant in that she wanted him to do all the romantic planning, et cetera.

my point is this, dr. phil had a point. we want our men to respond in a certain way, but as men, they are not the mind-readers we apparently are. so by telling your dh you needed him to remember your festivities at dinner last night was a good thing; he's probably got lots on his mind, too, none the least of which was you, missie, with the big ole bouquet of flowers on her table...

February 15, 2005  
Blogger Liz Opp said...

I'm curious if dh has expressed appreciation for your reminders...? Sometimes I have to ask for that sort of affirmation from my own jb, which goes oh so far when I feel genuinely appreciated. Perhaps next year, if any of your kids are old enough, they can help dh remember what to do...

February 15, 2005  

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