Wednesday, May 25, 2005

What the....

Ayekah wrote as one of her answers to a tag about being a monk.

"If I could be a monk, which is what I would want to be anyway, I would be living at my friends hermitage in the woods of Pa.......with a herd of cows, and huge garden plot, and a bakery where we could bake "monastery" bread to help support the hermitage. I would be happy and content tending to the animals and the garden. If you have milk and a garden you will never be hungry."

I read the answer, and took my first real deep breath of the day. Those few lines describe my perfect life. What I aim for, dream about, imagine very clearly. Just thinking about it makes me feel calm.

SO...............................

What in the ---- am I doing here? In a house full of stuff, with lots of noisy people, neurotic pets that annoy me constantly, and having to go the grocery store twice a week just to keep the milk and eggs and bread in stock. Noise, Noise, Noise. I long for a hermitage, I fantasize about running away - to the Bahamas? Virgin Isles? Hawaii? No, to a hermitage in the woods, with 2 books, no phone and my icon materials. A herd of sheep, a few chickens, and a cow. See? I am breathing so easily now. You should of seen me 45 minutes ago, before 4/7ths of the kiddos went to bed. Not breathing deeply. Gritting my teeth, clenching my hands. Oh please oh please oh please go to bed. The other 3 are supposed to be cleaning up the day's mess in the rec room, but I hear playing and screaming, so I have to go down there. oh, for a hermitage...

5 Comments:

Blogger Adinah said...

I enjoyed both your posts! He's always open for guests up there is Pennsyvania....no talking either! It's totally bucolic, save Pepe (his dog).....a monk with a dog...picture that......oh, did I mention he cooks, too?

May 25, 2005  
Blogger ~m2~ said...

our deacon that i have become very close friends with said we all have our idealistic views of monasteries (me especially because of my profound crush on thomas merton) and what we don't realize is after the romance of lauds and vespers in the morning and after prayers are said and daily work gets under way, that monks burp and fart and are crass (but trying...)

thought i'd help diminish the daydream :)

you are called to be a mom in a chaotic world and from this person's perspective, are doing an amazing job with your seven children!!

be not discouraged. and pick up an extra dozen of eggs and save yourself a trip...

May 26, 2005  
Blogger Kitsune said...

I think I was called to be a mother precisely because the monastic life is so alluring and tempting to me. If I weren't challenged and pushed by my responsibilities as a mother, I would be even less compassionate and understanding towards the needs of others. My family still complains that I am aloof and I spend too much time looking inward-- but how much worse would I be if I had only cows and books to keep me company? I might never deal with real people at all . . . .

May 26, 2005  
Blogger Adinah said...

hey, keep the picture of the monastary in your heaad....always.....expecially on those days when you are driving through the grocery store parking lots and I am not wearing my invisible cloak.....everyone needs a picture of peace, even with 7 kidlets!

May 26, 2005  
Anonymous Denise said...

I used to have a Happy Place like that in my mind too...but it was a cottage in England, where I wore a handmade Irish fisherman's sweater, made tea in my tiny kitchen and rode my bicycle to work. I had a cat there and many more than two books. I'm curious as to which two books you have at your Hermitage of the Mind?
But on a more serious note, I am reminded of a prayer of St. Francis, "Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon..." I am sure you are familiar with it. This prayer inspires me as a mother, because I try to do these things for my children. When they have bad feelings for each other, I try to help them be loving, and forgive each other.
The prayer goes on, "Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand...," which also speaks to the life of a mother.
Yes, we are surrounded by noisy, messy, frustrating people, but everyone has to serve someone, and what a blessing to serve the only people in the world who love us more than the sun, moon and stars.

May 27, 2005  

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