Friday, May 19, 2006

Two years ago on May 20th....

My first look at my daughter *sigh*

at 18 months

Two years ago tomorrow, my baby was born. Just like everyone says, I can't believe it was two years ago already! How quickly the time went. Such a cliche, but what else is there to say?

There is something about marking the years with children's birthdays that makes the passing of time more palatable, yet more heart-wrenching. While my little one is beyond-words cute, the toothless, drooling, chubbers is long gone. She decided to wean a few months ago, so no more long mornings in bed, with her rubbing my face while she nursed, and while I drank up her sweet baby smell. She doesn't grab my face and suck on my chin anymore. Now she hugs me hard around the neck, kisses my cheek, and says, "I lub you, mommy." Can't really complain, can I?

And yet despite the happiness of having a happy, healthy two year old, I feel a sadness. The sadness of the end of an era. Never have I had a two year old without having another infant, or at least a gi-normous belly just waiting to deliver us another joy. I know I may still have another baby, but what I know is I may have another baby. In the previous years, I never had time to wonder before I knew I was having another baby.

And even if I do have the blessing of another baby, the era of rapid fire additions to the family is over. The tangle of wee ones, with chubby legs, cushy cheeks and baby teeth, this is past. I have gangly children now; tall, large toothed, approaching-rational children. Only two little chubbies left.

When I look back at the photo of all seven of them the day the older children met the baby, they were all so small. In two years, my landscape has changed dramatically.

Never-the-less, this little two year old is a delight. She is the princess of crazyacres, and her subjects adore her. She can say everyone's name when asked, but only calles herself "Baby". She yells 'Night mom' over and over after I place her in bed, until she can no longer hear my response. She calls the older kids, "Guys", and loves getting read to by her nearly 13 year old brother. She calls the little hair band that keeps her bangs out of her face her "pretty", and has a great affinity for shoes. She loves dolls, and cares for them tenderly.

She has what I consider an extraordinary sense of humor for a child her age. She is outgoing, laughs loud and deep, and knows how to get what she wants. She is orderly for a little one, loves books and birds and kitties and music and church. She knows she is loved, she is certain of her place in the world, and she is never alone. Baby, my prayer for you is that you don't loose one iota of these attributes, but build on them as you grow in the knowledge that all these wonderful gifts are from your Heavenly Father, who loves you without reserve. May He hold you in his hand and bless you abundantly and steadily with His loving embrace. I love you, little one, and am so blessed to call you my daughter~


Blogger Mimi said...

How beautifully written and heart-achingly true!

She's got beautiful eyes.

Many Years!

May 19, 2006  
Blogger Elena said...

Oh I too am going to really miss my childbearing years. I know exactly what you mean. {{{hug}}}

May 19, 2006  
Blogger Alexa said...

Oh how poignant! Happy Birth Day Renee!

May 19, 2006  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Many Years to your lovely daughter !
Today we celebrate the 20th birthday of my eldest - I do not know where the time has gone....... :-)

May 19, 2006  
Blogger glorybe said...

So absolutely precious! Happy birthday to your sweet, little, wee one!

I love your descriptions. They made my eyes fill up. *sigh*

May 20, 2006  
Blogger :o) said...

How refreshing and beautiful to read someone who believes in, enjoys and cherishes the gift of bearing children.

Your daughter is lucky to have you.

May 21, 2006  
Blogger Lori said...

I'm right there with ya! Beautiful and a little heart wrenching. I'm 44 and probably done having children and I'm having some difficulty with that idea.

Beautiful post!

May 22, 2006  
Blogger Suzanne said...

So precious! Thank you for sharing with us all. I am 52 and still not finished going through the end of it all....least the body hasn't quit entirely that way...however, I do feel that the time is passed, only one thing I am still grateful for is that I had those times and even today, I am grateful to God that everything in my body is still present to accept life and that I would be willing to try and nuture that life. I am thankful that I still feel like a motherly woman. If one has that chance, hold onto to it because it does help. For those who have had to let that go and didn't want to, its okay...your spirit would still accept the life. By the way, did you read Danielle Bean's post for the 21st?
:) God bless.

May 22, 2006  

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